i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize