I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
where am i from again
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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