I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
