my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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