rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
