i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Girls should come with a carfax report
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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