I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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