in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
