rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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