Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
