just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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