I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
