my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
