she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
