Porn is love you can see.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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