omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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