Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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