You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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