Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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