yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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