drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
