Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
