I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
