i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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