All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
