My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
