Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
