Nicole vs. Life
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
