If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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