Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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