areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
