come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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