Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
