before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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