dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
