Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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