I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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