When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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