Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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