I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
