Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
