the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
