Nicole vs. Life
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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