i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
