My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
