My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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