he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
