also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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