Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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