boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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