So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
