I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
