I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize