Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
