Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
