You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
