I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
