I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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