She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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