So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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