I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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