Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
