Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
