Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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