Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want nice things and good sex
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
