At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
