Just cropdusted the office
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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