You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
