Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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