your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize