how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
