im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
