My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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