Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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