Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
