this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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