i permit you to call me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
