My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize