90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
