Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize