You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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