ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
