Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
