So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
