Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
