I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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