After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
