now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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