I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize