She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
