Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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