She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
