She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
