One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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