I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
