If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
