Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
