I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize