I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
