Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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