everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
