highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
