i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
