Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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