think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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