Pants 0. Shit 1.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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