I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
