I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
