Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
