This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
