These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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