A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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