I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
