it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize