there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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